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God creates families – whether with biological parents or not
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December 18, 2023Before facing the bitter reality of infertility, Rita (48) and Daniel (43) Naranja had cherished a dream of growing a large family of four or five children. Rita is an attorney, and Daniel works at a refinery. With the biological doors being shut, it was Daniel’s openness to adoption that started the couple toward building that family dream, one foster child experience at a time.
Rita’s career as an attorney provided some insight into the various paths that can result in adoption: Agencies like Circles of Love and A World for Children facilitate adoption at no cost while choosing a private agency can accrue costs up to $40,000 and beyond. The process begins with taking classes and getting licensed. The Naranja home was licensed to house up to five children. Rita shared that the Department of Family Affairs approval process can be very intrusive and intimate, with up to several months of classes, interviews, and home visits.
Initially, the Naranjas specifically wanted to adopt infants immediately after birth, but their four children came to them in a variety of stages and ages through fostering. A total of twelve children came to stay in the Naranja home, with the first arriving in 2013.
Each time they fostered a child, Rita and Daniel never knew how long the child would stay. It could take up to a year to determine whether a child would stay or go: There was always a chance they could go back to the parents or to another relative. Rita revealed that this part of the process could be heartbreaking and traumatic both for them and the children. “Give them (the children) what they need at that time – love, nurturing, and safety.” This piece of advice from Rita’s mother has fortified her in this difficult cycle. “You fall in love – then they go,” said Rita. “Every time they left, we cried. But it’s about what they need at the time.”
The four Naranja kids have different ethnicities and currently range in age from 2 to 9 years old. “They all came young,” Rita said, “at three months, three days, three weeks, and two weeks.” The children attend parochial school in Corpus Christi, and the Naranjas attend Mass as a family. The children know that they are adopted, as the Naranjas believe that having that discussion is important and that adoption should not be shrouded in secrecy and shame. “We tell our kids that they were not born in our tummies, but they were born in our hearts. They were meant for us; they were answered prayers.” She explains to them that “God creates families, whether they stay with the biological mommy or not.”
In a conversation with one of them, she said, “We thought we were ‘done’ with three kids, but we got a call out of nowhere—God surprises you when you think you’re finished, just like other families.” When the kids are older, Rita and Daniel plan to share as much information as possible with the kids about their biological parents and would even go so far as to hire detectives to find out more, if needed.
People tend to think that adoption means that you are not wanted. Rita tells her kids: “It’s the opposite: You’re super wanted.” She helps them understand that there are difficult circumstances that cause a biological mother to give up their child. “There’s no judgment,” she said. In one case, she and Daniel were privy to a court hearing for one of the mothers of their children, who was trying to get the infant back at the time. “We met her, and it was fine – she decided that she wanted her child to stay with us.” The mother had had issues with mental health and drugs and knew she wanted something better for her child — “That’s love,” said Rita, “To say ‘I want better.’” Rita recalled the love and support shown by their school and parish community at the time of the adoption of their fourth child. The kids’ whole school was brimming with anticipation. The Naranjas had been specifically chosen by the birth mother, and they couldn’t wait for the newest member of the family to arrive. Because of Rita and Daniel’s love and intentionality, their children know their true worth. They pray for the biological parents of their children and wish they could meet.
“You have to die to yourself in parenting,” Rita says. “Your kids are all different. It’s a big learning experience for you as a parent. Just when you figure it out, there’s something more to learn.” The Naranjas feel blessed by the love and support of their extended family. “It is hard,” says Rita, “but with family support, you can pretty much handle anything. […] We weren’t meant to do this on our own.”
When it comes to family dynamics, Rita says they’re like every other family. “Everything is the same. Same issues other families have, with maybe some extras.” Like typical siblings, the kids fight each other and love each other. They play with their cousins who are close in age. “They just love them,” said Rita. The children don’t know any different. “Once they’re adopted, they’re yours. You’re just a family.” Along with instilling a strong faith in God, the family also encourages academics. Rita described their kids as remarkably smart, with above-average intelligence.
With infertility comes options: There are treatments approved by the Church that couples can pursue. But Rita wants to encourage couples and even singles of all ages to really consider the awesome and important opportunity to change lives through adoption. Of the 12 children they took in, eight did not stay. “We’ll never forget them, ever,” says Rita.
Before an adoption is completed, the authorities try to locate alternate family members of the child, so there is always a risk of losing a child you’re attached to. There was a child they kept until the age of one who was placed in a different home, and the parting was very traumatic and painful for everyone. Another baby came to them with Failure to Thrive, and they nursed him to complete health before he was placed elsewhere five weeks later. At another point, they took in two sisters who had nothing but the clothes on their backs. Rita had to call her mother for advice as she attempted to clean their sores and the lice from their hair. The caseworker had stood by with tears in her eyes, telling Rita that they were doing God’s work. “I’d never thought of it that way before,” Rita reflected.
The need for adoptive parents will always be there, and Rita has grown to see it as an amazing, rewarding, grace-filled endeavor. “You just realize God provides through heartbreak and uncertainty. We always wanted a large family. We were thrilled at 3, and then we got that surprise call for our fourth. She came to us on Valentine’s Day. She is an amazing gift. God gives more than you could ask for.” Rita encourages everyone who feels like they’ve missed the opportunity to have a family to try adoption. It is not for the faint of heart, she admits, “But God showed us we could do it again and again. Lean on and trust in God. You’ll want to give up, and you’ll say, ‘I’ll never do this again’... But then you do.”
