The grieving are never alone

Janie Gonzales, holding her favorite picture of her late husband Eddie, relies on her faith in God's plan to make it through each day. Gonzales is grateful for the unwavering support of the friends she has made at the Grief Support Group at Our Lady of Perpetual Help, which meets every Tuesday.

Rebecca Esparza for South Texas Catholic
 

Choking back tears, Janie Gonzales described why her husband, Edward Gonzales, who died of liver disease in June of this year, was such a remarkable man.

“He was devoted to his family, willing to help others learn and always saw the best in other people,” she said. “He loved his children and grandson more than anything in the world.”

Gonzales explained her husband of 29 years was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver in March of  2017. One year later, the disease had progressed so fast; her husband entered hospice care at home. By June of this year, her husband was gone. Edward Gonzales was only 54.

An elementary school counselor, Janie Gonzales had the training to help children cope with loss, but she knew this loss, something so incredibly personal and profound, would require assistance.

“My hospice nurse gave me a list of grief support groups,” she said. “I knew instantly I wanted something Catholic and was relieved to see there was a group at Our Lady of Perpetual Help. It took a couple of months to gather the courage, but I went to my first meeting in August.”

Gonzales said the openness of the group and being able to talk about loved ones with others who have been through the same experiences has been a lifesaver.

“Thanks to the group, I learned there is no roadmap for grief. I’m learning how to go on with life in baby steps, but my grieving has been very difficult,” she said. “The spiritual and emotional support I’ve received from my fellow support group members has been truly amazing.”

Chaplain Ray Claveria, facilitator for the support group at Our Lady of Perpetual Help, said he formed the group in February of 2016 at the urging of Father Frank Martinez and Deacon Ron Martinez.

Claveria was a Chaplain for 11 years for the CHRISTUS Hospital System before retiring in 2017.  A certified chaplain and Christian counselor, he is set to receive his doctorate in theology later this year.

“After the loss of a loved one, we experience a wide variety of feelings and emotions,” he noted. “The ever-changing emotions we experience with grief can catch us off guard, causing us to act out of character, or differently than our typical personality and demeanor. We all need a support system to help us as we move through our grief journey.”

Gonzales praised Chaplain Claveria for being there during the most difficult time in her life.

“He is always there to talk by phone when I might experience a trigger event that brings a wave of grief which seems overwhelming at the time it is happening,” she said, through tears. “Chaplain Ray has such great empathy for us that makes it so easy for us to express what we are going through.”

Grief can be never-ending for some, explained Gonzales. She recommends the grief support group for anyone who has experienced a loss, no matter when the loss occurred. 

“It doesn’t matter if your loved one has recently passed away or it has been ten years; it’s important to get help,” she added. “I feel strongly that God put Chaplain Ray in my life to help me get through this.”

Joan Bostwick, a parishioner at Sacred Heart Church in Falfurrias, first attended her parish’s grief support group meeting three years ago after the loss of her father. She was even able to get her mother to join her for a couple of sessions.

“My mom passed away last year and in the three years since I first went to a meeting, I have lost nine extremely close family members. It has been difficult,” Bostwick said. “It was healing for me to share what I was going through. Attending the meetings was an eye-opening chance for me to learn what I do and don’t have control over on a daily basis.”

Bostwick added thanks to the tools used in the program; she also learned one doesn’t simply “get over” a loss of a loved one. 

“Within the last three years, I lost my adoptive parents, as well as my birth mother. One of the things you learn in a group is you are never alone. Everyone at these meetings has either lost a spouse, child, parent or someone close to them. It helps to know someone else is feeling what you are feeling,” she said.

Chaplain Claveria added grief support groups offer a special kind of companionship from others who have also experienced loss. 

“In a culture that often avoids talking about loss, support groups give you the opportunity to share your story openly and guilt-free. You also have the opportunity to hear the stories of others and talk about coping day-to-day, as well as on the most difficult days of our grief journeys,” he said.  

For more information on the Grief Support Ministry at Our Lady of Perpetual Help, call Chaplain Ray Claveria at (361) 947-8146. The group meets every Tuesday evening at 6:30 p.m. More information on the Grief Support Group at Sacred Heart in Falfurrias can be found by calling the parish at (361) 325-3455.
 

Janie Gonzales shares a funny memory of her late husband, Eddie Gonzales, during a recent Grief Support Group meeting at Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Corpus Christi, while fellow support group members Gena Lerma (center) and Tess Gonzales (right) laugh along.  Rebecca Esparza for South Texas Catholic