Talking the talk: An open vocation letter to parents

Dear parents, thank you for choosing the most important job in the world. God called you to the awesome vocation of parenthood—to be co-creators with him in a world painfully racked with violence and uncertainty.  Because he has called you, he will grace you.  And you can depend on that grace to strengthen you not only when you need it most but also during the daily activities of your family life.

Thanks to those daily activities your family experiences the lived reality of evangelization. How so?  Recently I attended Mass at a local university. During the homily, the priest described evangelization as a conversation, concluding with, “Jesus spoke to everybody and anybody.” Thus, evangelization could not be any simpler for Catholics as well as parents. 

Eons before evangelization became the Catholic buzzword, parents have been talking to their children.  It does not take an educational expert to note that children whose parents regularly talk with them tend to be more outgoing, more secure and have a better speaking vocabulary. This also holds true for children whose parents talk to their children concerning religious matters. But talking is not enough.  Listening to and engaging a child in conversation is crucial. Perhaps the best description of this two-way conversation is the title of a book published a number of years ago "How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen and How to Listen so Your Children Will Talk."

Responsible parents do not have “the talk” about social skills, good manners, study habits or even more importantly what do want to be when you grow up. Relationships by their very nature must be nourished with ongoing, honest communication. However, not all communication need be serious and thought provoking. Sometimes the best way to communicate is through play Enjoy a water fight while you and your child or children are washing the car and the next serious conversation you both have may surprise you. 

I suspect for some parents encouraging a child at whatever age to consider a religious vocation is probably no different than discussing other topics. Then there are the parents who need a little help in getting the conversation started. If you find yourself in this situation consider using this question, “When we say grace, we also pray for vocations. What do you think might happen if every family did this?” Other parents withhold religious vocation encouragement because they are angry with the Church or God or the Church and God with what they perceive are valid reasons. The reasons may be truly valid but sustained rancor can even harm someone physically. 

Even before conversation takes place, the most important part of your cooperation with God as a parent is the good example you provide for your child. Once I heard the greatest compliment one could pay a parent when a young man commented, “I became a priest because of my dad.” On a personal note, I can remember my own mother lovingly admonish me with, “Lou, never give to the poor what you would not use or wear yourself.” Needless to say, this statement has been a powerful influence on the way I live out my vow of poverty.

One of the myths many parents believe about religious life and the priesthood is that they will not be cared for when they are old should a son or daughter chooses that lifestyle. My own community—like many others—has permitted a number of our sisters the time to carry out their primary responsibility of caring for their parents. I also know of a priest in our diocese who has been allowed to do the same for his father. Several years ago I attended a regional vocation meeting. During a group discussion, Sister Elsa Garcia, CDP shared how she often asked such parents the simple question, “What are you afraid of?” And then let the parents express those fears.

The final reason parents withhold encouragement is their desire for grandchildren. Realistic parents understand no vocational lifestyle is perfect and will communicate that to their children.

So talk. Listen. Engage. Encourage.