A few minutes of conversation with Dan Shea quickly reveals how important his Catholic faith and his family are to him. His role model for fatherhood was his own father Joseph Shea.
“He worked hard to support his family but his faith remained an important element in the home life,” Dan Shea said about his father. “He gave up opportunities so he could be at home. He always took time to be with his children. He made sure he was home for meals. Our family mirrored Catholic tradition, we said grace before meals and everyone shared what was on their minds that day.”
Shea’s father and mother, Elizabeth, provided their children with a quality Catholic education. In addition, the parents saw to it that the children were exposed to Catholic culture in various ways—visiting the sick in hospitals and nursing homes and working in soup kitchens.
They were also active in pro-life activities and performed with “The Shea Six” a musical group of the children who performed in nursing homes. They adopted individual nursing homes for special attention. They stressed compassion for others that helped reinforce a strong spiritual component, which integrated into the children’s lives.
It all seeped deeply into Daniel Shea’s conscious. Today, Shea and his family are active members of Cathedral parish. He and his wife Debbie are coordinators of the Altar Servers and serve as Extraordinary Ministers of the Eucharist.
They have five children. The oldest is Danny, 26, a married father of one with another on the way. Next is Drew, 24, who—like his older brother—is a petroleum engineer working in Houston. The eldest daughter Katie, 22, is a recent graduate with a degree in accounting and plans to go to graduate school in the fall while working in Houston. Next is Mary Jane, 19, like all her older siblings, is attending Texas A & M University in College Station. The youngest of the family is Patrick, 10, who is a fourth-grader at Incarnate Word Academy.
Shea met Debbie at Florida International University while both were studying physical therapy. She was a devout Baptist with extensive biblical training. She was very curious about the Mass and especially the Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist. Once she received adequate training through a Catholic inquiry program at the university, she was convinced and became Catholic.
Patrick arrived some nine years after the Sheas thought their family was complete and had made plans accordingly. Dan Shea’s eyes light up when he talks about Patrick being a “blessing from God.”
“I have learned so much from him and I am so grateful for the opportunity,” he said. “I have parented him differently as I was older, and had more time. It was easier to do things, read stories, talk and of course share the sports that we all enjoy: swimming, soccer and fishing.”
Shea also took the time to help Patrick build an enormous three-story tree house in a large oak in the backyard. It’s a favorite place for Patrick who can climb up the levels and survey the neighborhood.
“This was so much fun. Patrick just kept asking if we could build more… going up the tree. We could and we did,” Dan Shea said. It is a testament to having more time to spend with the kids.
Shea said his philosophy of successful child rearing is based on providing on-going faith formation, a stable and loving home life, involvement in children’s lives academically, physically and emotionally and a healthy amount of discipline.
As they began their family, he had an opportunity to put into practice what he had learned in his home from his father. Busy with the business side of life, setting up a physical therapy center, he saw a need to find ways to be involved in his children’s lives.
First came their Catholic training and exposure. This began early as the children repeated the activities of the previous generation of Sheas. As members of St. Philip’s parish they continued corporal works of mercy by visiting the sick, lonely and elderly. Meal times were always regarded as special, a time of family prayer and sharing by each family member.
For the last nine years he has accompanied the IWA Mission Team on trips designed to provide service to those in need. “The team is exposed to those who are impoverished and yet still happy. It made them wonder if they really need all the material things that are so important to them after seeing people with so little who are happy. That was another good experience.”
As professional physical therapists, physical activity is very important to Dan and Debbie Shea. Proper care of the body as a temple of the Holy Spirit is a part of their belief system and family life. Physical activity is required to take care of the body; they do it through exercise and sports. Dan Shea has coached swimming, baseball and soccer.
“Sports teach participants the importance of rules, fair play and teamwork; important life lessons. I began coaching at IWA and found those opportunities to get involved with the kids. It was a good experience,” Dan Shea said.
“Boys are easy, but girls need to have dads who are willing to ‘connect’ with them. One of the greatest gifts is to show love and respect for their mom. This helps them learn to respect themselves and how they want to be treated by their boyfriends and husbands,” he said.
The Shea girls have also had plenty of experience with service programs to charitable agencies. They have assisted at The Ark, made and served breakfast at the Mother Theresa Day Shelter through the Cathedral Youth Ministry program. The boys have been very involved in Scouting. They finished their Eagle rank, and youngest brother, Patrick is following the tradition in Cub Scouts.
“I am a parent first, and not their buddy. I need the support of my wife and we need to be unified. Though they may not understand our decisions at the moment generally they come to understand later,” Dan Shea said.
“We didn’t indulge our children with material things; they earned money by cutting grass, their own and the neighbors’. We don’t have a lot of electronic gear around the house, so they aren’t looking at it all day. They had to pay 49 percent of their first car and buy their own gas. From ages 14-15 they baby-sat, had summer jobs and worked to help pay their own tuition. It is so important they learn a strong work ethic,” Dan Shea said.
When it came to the social aspects of teenage years, Shea addressed the use of alcohol or drugs head-on. Any incident involving the use of those substances would result in immediate loss of the car. He stressed that one incident such as a DWI can affect a person for life. He told the boys, “you can forget about being a petroleum engineer with that on your record, who do you think will let you drive their expensive equipment?”
The Sheas also are very open about teaching the children about human sexuality through Catholic doctrine.
“We use ‘Theology of the Body’ and the Catechism, to teach respect for the body and the dignity of the person,” Debbie Shea said. She said it is important that young people understand the proper parameters with the opposite sex.
Rules such as not allowing the opposite sex in the bedroom and entertaining only in the common areas of the house should be among healthy house rules to be maintained. Another important rule is to have guests of the opposite sex leave no later than midnight.
“It is important that kids learn these things as one mistake with alcohol, drugs or sex can have a negative effect on a person’s entire life,” Debbie Shea said.
Faith formation continues for the Shea offspring as they go off to college. The parents sign them up at St. Mary’s Church in College Station and donate to the parish. This way the children can then go to the church and begin as members of the parish. It gives them a sense of belonging as they go away from home. It is also very important that they learn that they need to give something back to God, Dan Shea said.
“We socialize with other Catholic families, people who share our values. We learn a lot from watching good Catholic families, people who are living their faith. We are doing our best and hope to be an example for others,” Dan Shea said.