A seminarian’s reflection

Daniel Flores is a seminarian for the Diocese of Corpus Christi. He is currently studying at Saint Mary Seminary in Houston.

“There is a great silence on earth today, a great silence and stillness. The whole earth keeps silence …”  Many of us may feel a sense of deprivation and separation, without a community. Empty pews remind us there’s not much to do, but we should see this as a time of retreat – of getting away from all the noise of this world. 

Sudden changes during this global pandemic have caused a halt to my classes and formation. In light of this, I continue to see it as a moment of opening my eyes and being truly grateful for pursuing my vocation – but this hasn’t always been the case. 

Last year in August, up until October, I began having doubts about becoming a priest. I recall a particularly stressful day. I was sitting by the patio on seminary grounds, reflecting on how upset I was with myself, when a professor, who saw how miserable I was, asked me how everything was going. After confiding in him, he told me to go to the chapel and pray for a while. 

Later, I recalled the scene in Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ in the garden, where he found his disciples asleep – not keeping watch. The disciples were distressed; they didn’t know what to do. Jesus answered, “Stay here. Watch, pray!” It’s as if Jesus, himself, was commanding me to pray, and rightly I did so. At that moment, all my sense of doubts and fears were lifted from me. 

I was able to experience a sense of peace and calm in my heart, through the presence of Christ in the Eucharist. There was silence and stillness all around me at that moment. Through various conversations with my brother seminarians, I also felt the presence of Christ in them by listening to what they said. 

Today, the earth is silent. We are mourning. Restaurants and local businesses are shut down, and many places remain closed. We as Catholics are deprived of the Most Holy Eucharist. “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you” (Psalm 55:22). When we send our cares, our worries and our praises to the Lord, he hears us and grants his blessings to those who acclaim his name. The Lord promises that he would never cast his eyes away from us when we call out to him. We cannot hope to begin the change on this earth if we continue to ignore the person who loves us the most.

I encourage each one of us to follow in the footsteps of Christ. Perhaps we should be like our Blessed Mother Mary, who listened to her Son, at the Wedding Feast at Cana, and when she found him in the temple. 

The Lord will sustain and provide for us if we continue to trust in him. Trusting in God was what I did at the beginning of this year in seminary formation. There were struggles and tribulations along the way – but casting my cares onto the Lord helped sustain my prayer life with the hope of one day serving my diocese. 

Now, this is the major tribulation you and I must endure. Pope Francis says, “To you and to all, I repeat: Never yield to discouragement, do not lose trust, do not allow your hope to be extinguished.” – These words have been my motto throughout these past six years of formation – words that have given me peace and joy in my heart. I encourage every one of us to do the same.