A labor of love eases the emotional burden of grief

My mother, a 1920’s Great Depression survivor, Maria L Mendez Hernandez, died on August 31, 2020. When she died, the family went through the task of making arrangements for a public rosary (a must despite the coronavirus limitations). A Mass was celebrated at Corpus Christi Cathedral, a church she and my dad attended since the 1950s.

We buried her beside my dad, Deacon Julio D. Hernandez so that their earthly bodies could lie side by side.

Then came the recovery phase and the task of going through Mom’s bedroom, sorting through everything she had stored away in her box-lined bedroom. Boxes, plastic bags and purses filled every nook and cranny we could see. We knew we had a serious job ahead.  

While my sister Roseanne Norman and I went through her many drawers, purses, and boxes, our suspicions were confirmed: Mom saved everything of value – to her! Since she lived to the ripe age of 100 and eight months, she had accumulated many religious possessions. After sharing her pictures, prayer booklets and treasures with my brothers, sisters and other family members, there was still a large pile of religious articles stored in several bins. 

Spiritually and emotionally, I could not bear to part with the items my mother and father handled, touched and held while praying.  

I wondered what I would do with the collection of crucifixes, Miraculous Medals, Christian suit pins, and broken necklaces. They were too precious to give away, and I wanted to see them every day to help me recall the many blessings of faith Mom and Dad used to guide my family’s daily life. The treasures held too much meaning to me personally, and in retrospect, the collection represented a small historical account of my family’s spiritual heritage.  

So, the question became: What am I going to do with these treasures? I prayed over that dilemma and came across a magazine article about someone else who found an answer. The author took these precious articles and created a Christmas tree shadow box so that during the holidays, her family could reminisce over their loved ones.  

B-I-N-G-O! I would do something similar. However, I wanted the religious inventory to be displayed every day, so I could feel the essence of Mom and Dad each time I pass by and look at the shadow box.     

Thus began a labor of love. I collected all the crucifixes, miraculous medals, and Catholic articles I could find. The pile got higher and higher. I was amazed at all the nooks and crannies mom utilized to store her religious keepsakes! I discovered things in her purses, behind clothes in a drawer, in shoe boxes scattered about and boxes behind boxes stacked high in closets and behind suitcases. Oh, the treasure trove went on and on.  

I followed this trail, wondering what I would discover next. What a fun scavenger hunt!  

One weekend I took these articles to Houston and shared my thoughts with my family. Yvonne Hernandez, my daughter-in-law, immediately drew a cross and started placing some items in random order. Then my two daughters, Meagan Hernandez and Tina Deases followed up with more arranging and rearranging. Finally, the project began to take shape, and I was so happy other family members were involved with it.  

One afternoon I was alone with the cross as everyone was out running errands and visiting with their father, I began to glue the articles to the cross. I left some articles unglued and asked the girls to finish. They were all too happy to do so. They even signed their names to the back of the cross for posterity. Oh, it looked better than I expected!

With the cross covered with this Christian trove, Yvonne recommended outlining the cross with tiny seashells from what had once been a necklace. Months before, I tried re-stringing the seashells together, but they fell apart the first time I wore them. In retrospect, I’m glad it fell apart as they make the cross “pop.” These tiny shells appear pearl-colored and almost glow when light shines on them.

Now, the shadow box needed a colored background and something that matched the tiny seashells. Finally, I had the perfect backdrop – one of Mom’s shirts. I had placed the shirt in a Goodwill box twice, but I took it out and rehung it in the hall closet each time, as I still couldn’t part with it. Mom wore it to Mass many times because she thought it was pretty. So, I cut the shirt to be the background, found some lace, and used it as a another layer to give the project a second dimension. Mom had sewn the lace together for a tutu for one of my sisters. This project was coming to life!

After those steps were complete, we had to figure out how to attach the cross to the shadow box. Meagan and I thought of different ways and finally settled on attaching the cross to the back of the shadow box with a screw. I added some extra glue to help secure the cross to the lace, shirt and back of the shadow box to make it a little more secure.  

But the cross seemed lonely in the shadow box, so one afternoon while I was praying before Mass, I asked the Blessed Mother for some guidance, and it came to me! Make some stars with the remaining seashells. So I placed the seashells above the cross to look like stars. 

This project was coming along, but now the lower part of the shadow box looked empty. I couldn’t have that, so I was back at church another day and tried to figure out how to complete this project. But, again, days passed, and there was no inspiration. I tried adding more crosses, but no, that didn’t look balanced. I tried making blades of grass using the tiny seashells, but, no, it didn’t feel right. The appearance was close but not quite what I wanted. I tried different arrangements, different pictures, different artsy media, but none of it felt right.  

Finally, it hit me. Mom and Dad loved the Blessed Mother, so she had to be part of the project, not only as an attachment to the cross. She had to be given the special attention Mom and Dad gave to her during their lives. Yes, that felt right. I found the image of the Mother Thrice Admirable Madonna in Mom’s purse. The picture is a key symbol of the Schoenstatt Movement and is hanging in the Schoenstatt shrine in Lamar.
 
Perfecto! Then I found a picture of Jesus inspired by St. Faustina during her visions. Mom and I prayed the Divine Mercy all the time. Another perfect inspiration. What else could complement this display? Well, I went back to Mom’s purse for additional inspiration and found a picture card of Jesus Christ, the Risen Lord. Perfect, as we wouldn’t have Christianity without that event!  

I needed one final token to balance things out. After another roadblock, it finally came to me. When Mom and I attended the 7:30 a.m. Mass on Sundays, we would arrive at 7 a.m. to pray the rosary. Mom’s favorite decade to lead was always the crowning of the Blessed Mother, Queen of heaven and earth. Yes, that’s it! That rounded up the fourth dedicated picture to grace the project.  

In country words, “Yahoo!” and in Christian terms, “Amen, amen." Finally, this memorable keepsake was coming to fruition. It felt right. It felt complete. It now hangs in the breakfast nook, where I can see it every time I walk into the kitchen.

So, I’m sharing my adventure of letting Mom and Dad go with a wish that when you have to let someone go, let prayer guide you through the grieving process. And when you arrive at the acceptance stage, you can remember our earthly family gets to spend eternity with our heavenly family. Oh, I thank God for faith.  

This story is related to Mom and Dad’s ending of their earthly life and the dawn of their heavenly life. Thank you, God, for blessing my family with grace, and for my parents, who practiced that blessing through their life story.

Amen, amen.